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‘The Celebrity Apprentice’ Recap: The Sweet Smell of Success

Filed under : Celebrity News

“I can tell you the rules of chess, but I can’t tell you the rules of Celebrity Apprentice. That’s what’s beautiful about it,” said Penn Jillette in his taxi after being eliminated last night.

Exactly. No one knows why Donald Trump fires an apprentice. Sometimes he goes on their track record, sometimes he fires them after one poor task. Sometimes taking a back seat upsets him, sometimes taking over gets him mad. If you’re looking for business integrity, you’re looking in the wrong place at The Celebrity Apprentice. But if you want reality TV full of crazy characters grating on each other. Trump keeps who he keeps in order to keep the drama going. End of story.

So what led up to Penn’s firing last night?

When Trump announced to the teams that they would be creating a store display and slogan for The Donald’s new fragrance, ‘Success’, Penn said he didn’t want to be Project Manager because he knew nothing of such things. But he still passed comment on virtually every detail, of course.

So Clay became Project Manager, because as he told Trump in the Boardroom, he has “bigger balls” than Penn. Hey, I’m not measuring.

But Penn sure had…something, as he dared to forcibly move Dayana’s head around his chest in an attempt to demonstrate his concept of a woman’s face next to a male torso. He must have got to Dayan because she was pretty keen to strip off for this task.

“I just want everybody naked,” said Dayana after pitching her idea of a Trump tie between her own bare boobs.

Clay promised to get her naked another time (no, really, he did) but he had the male model to obsess over. He didn’t need Dayana.

“Once the model showed up, we put him in a shirt and tie and tried to do him,” Clay said.

Yes, you read that correctly. Clay straightened the model’s collar and tie, saying, “I just wanted to touch you.”

I have to admit here and now that Clay is my favorite apprentice and if he doesn’t win, I’d be surprised. But he failed last night. He stuttered his way through a few seconds of presentation, despite encouragement from the Macy’s executive.

Aubrey had a lot less trouble with sharing his opinions on the cologne.

“Aubrey had a great idea,” Arsenio explained. “She said ‘Let me put my vagina on the back of your head.’”

It was to do with her sitting on his shoulders to take a photo. Or something.

Aubrey also made further attempts to get in with the Trump family through blatant sucking up to them. Even Donald didn’t like Eric being used in that way.

George Ross made his triumphant return to the show that made him an (almost) household name and dismissed the Eric silhouette it with “Yeah, that doesn’t look like Donald.” I love how he attempted to slide the photograph of Unanimous’ display across the table to team Forted failed miserably.

The upshot of the task was that Clay’s team lost and Penn was fired for coming up with the “You Earned it” slogan. That’s what Donald said, anyway, but I bet if he’d been a bit more a drama queen (king?) then we’d have seen a bit more of him. Has anyone else spotted the irony that there are now only two guys left in the competition yet the men were dominant for weeks on end at the beginning of this season?

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