‘Bachelorette’ Emily Maynard took her 13 remaining hopeful suitors to Bermuda in last night’s episode. It was a stormy affair with plenty of disagreements between the guys and between the guys and Emily.
“I can’t wait for the day when I get to come back to Bermuda with my husband,” gushed Emily, strolling through the turquoise surf with daughter Ricki. “Maybe I’ll be pregnant and pushing a baby stroller.” Hmmm, steady on, Em’ – that’s difficult I the sand. Concentrate on getting a decent guy first, will you?
The guys arrived at their luxury resort on scooters, “the most beautiful place” Alejandro has ever seen. But he was sown about the fact he hadn’t yet stood out to Emily and he was falling behind the other guys.
Arie pretended that the first one-one-one was his and I was so glad it wasn’t when he lecherously said, ‘Let’s get down to the real stuff, not the romance.’ No, the one-on-one went to Doug. Yay! He pretended to be nervous, though. Surely he was pretending? The other guys thought he had reason to be more confident and they soon had him cursing.
‘It’s super easy to push Doug’s buttons,’ said Arie, before taunting Doug some more.
Emily’s arrival saved him from being punched but he continued the childishness after Doug left:
‘That was like the hulk. Doug angry! Doug smash! Doug sad.’
Doug probably was sad when he found out his date with Emily involved an awful lot of shopping for knickknacks, fudge, and perfume! He played along valiantly and got his chance to impress more later on by telling Emily that he started a charity to teach his son that one person can change the world.
‘I am, like, more and more impressed with you every day,’ Emily responded.
But she wanted to delve a little deeper into Doug, to discover what he was like on his bad days. Apparently she’s never seen him grumpy. Clearly, she wasn’t looking. But it doesn’t matter, because even when Doug pointed out that he was in fact getting grumpy with the other guys when she arrived, she seemed thrilled.
‘I am glad that Doug felt comfortable enough with me to tell me what happened with the other guys.’
Emily rewarded Doug with a postcard written Doug’s son Austin, who probably has no idea who she is. Oh well, he can always sell it on eBay.
The group date was with Charlie, Ryan, Chris, Jef, Sean, Arie, Travis and Kalon. Yeah, Kalon’s still here.
Emily seems to be doubting Doug over dinner (accidental alliteration aside.) Is he too good to be true?
‘He always has to give me the perfect answer. It’s kind of very similar to the way I felt about Brad.’
But her interrogation fails to uncover any serious flaws so Emily worried he wasn’t being honest with her. But Doug turned the tables successfully on Emily by asking her to list her worst traits. She didn’t come up with anything of substance either, so she started to believe he may be on the level. He got a rose! No, kiss, though, as Doug is waiting for a signal from Emily that she wants that and it apparently didn’t come.
Next morning, the guys got a sailing lesson and learned that they would be divided into two teams and racing the boats. The winners got more time with Emily.
Team Red (Charlie, Travis, Sean, and Chris) were beaten by Team Yellow (Arie, Jef, Ryan, and Kalon). I didn’t like Jef and Kalon being in the same team again as I had a dilemma of whether to cheer for them or not.
Ryan proved himself to be a bit of an idiot at the post-race cocktail party, raising a toast ‘to a fun day of racing and a beautiful trophy possible-wife.’ I was gritting my teeth at this point but Emily just playfully chided him with a ‘Heeyyyy!’ before heading off to the beach with Arie.
Jef also got a look in and he told her,
‘I don’t know, like, really where I stand with you or what I mean to you, but when I think about you, I like you.’
I actually thought his playfulness was cute when he asked Emily to kiss his boo-boo as he allegedly hurt his finger in the sailing race. So why oh why did he mess up so bad when Emily told him to feel free to open up to her? His reply of ‘I’ll get there… Well, should we go back?’ was excruciatingly awkward. And this from the apparent front-runner in this competition that Emily doesn’t think is a competition.
There was more pompous talk from Ryan who urged Emily to use her responsibility as The Bachelorette for good, not evil. But Emily has some stern words of her own for him, she wants to know more about his repertoire of one-liners from the season so far, like ‘If you ain’t cheatin’, you ain’t tryin’’ and ‘I’ll love you but I won’t love on you as much’ if she puts on weight. Ryan laughed it off as just being ‘flirtatious,’ and again informed Emily that he’d view the accumulation of any cellulite on her butt as a crime against humanity because ‘God designed you to be a beautiful woman.’ He had apparently been praying that Emily would make a big impact on people as the Bachelorette.
‘There’s going to be tons of young ladies who are going to watch you and see how you respond to men, and how you treat them, and how you treat yourself,’ he preached.
I liked Emily’s response about the double standards for men and women in today’s society.
‘If this were “The Bachelor,” nobody would be batting an eye. I feel like he’s judging me.’
Yes, he is. Get rid of him, please…even though a lot more people than Arie are judging you!
The next day, Emily spent her morning with Ricki, in the pool and counting baby chickens in the bushes.
Nate and John, previously very quiet in the season, got their two-on-one date, sailing to Diving Board Island, where they throw themselves off a cliff into the ocean.
John even admitted,
‘I’ve gotten to this point based on just not screwing things up.’
We didn’t see a lot of the diving but apparently Emily had a great time.
Dinner appeared to be in a cave. It was an awkward affair.
Nate mapped out his life expectations for Emily: wants 2-3 kids, his parents have been married for 30 years, he worships his brother… aaaannnddd he cried. John just had to not screw things up to get the rose. Job done. He though he and Emily could ‘click.’
At the cocktail party, Alejandro was first to give his elevator pitch to Emily:
‘If you keep me around, if you give me that rose, I’m going to absolutely let go, I’m going to show you who I am.’
Jef flirted shamelessly, though, until Arie swooped to whisk her away. Should Ryan be worried about his rival? He says he’s not, but the growing bond between Arie and Emily is obvious now. Ryan, on the other hand, is rapidly becoming annoying.
Doug got huffy with Emily about the other guys saying he’s too young for Emily and to be a dad to Ricki. Chris was still upset with him, though. But yay for a drunk Doug who manages to shoot back at Chris for being immature and insecure.
Emily is seeing a pattern here: Doug may appear Mr. Perfect but all the arguments in the house seem to feature either Ryan or Doug or both. She also finally realized that Ryan is manipulative.
So who lived to date another week? Sean, Arie, Travis, Chris, Ryan (sigh), Kalon (I wish I was joking), and Alejandro. That meant Michael and Charlie were headed home while everyone else headed to London. What do you think to Emily’s choices this week?