It was time for the first dates and Ryan was invited to ‘be my king in Queen City.’ And it seems that he has exactly the right idea, telling the other guys, “My pastor always said, ‘If you treat a woman like a queen, she’ll treat you like a king.’” Ahh yup. He got ready for his date while Emily strolled out to the pool to chat with the other semi-naked hopefuls. But it’s Ryan who has Emily a little nervous ‘just ’cause he’s so good looking,’ she said. He even opened her car door for her and put her in the driving seat.
Ryan was dreaming of romantic dates like plane rides and balloon flights but no, he got to go home with Emily and put away groceries. Then he was roped in to making cookies for Ricki’s soccer team. No store bought cookies for them!
Pro sports trainer Ryan was a bit embarrassed by his flowery apron but he did his best to mix the flour and eggs with minimal fuss, so Emily declared that he passed ‘the cookie test,’ so then he could go on a real dinner date with Emily. She looked beautiful in her dark magenta off-the-shoulder minidress.
But the date at the neighbourhood Italian restaurant did not go unnoticed…seemingly by anyone in the ‘hood. The restaurant had been cleared for them, though, so once past he waiting crowds and camera flashes Emily and Ryan got some quality time, which Emily chose to use to grill Ryan and see how serious he is about her.
‘That’s my biggest fear going through this whole experience, is that people see it as a game. I don’t want anybody to ever see it as a competition… I don’t want to be the prize that you win at the end,’ Emily revealed.
But surely, she is. Or am I just an old skeptic and is true love really to be found on a reality TV show?
I was applauding Ryan, though, when he came up with a great question of his own:
‘Are you going to be open to allowing a man to come in and really treat Ricki the same way that he’s going to treat the other children he has with you? Because I wouldn’t want there to be a difference.’
Emily still wants to be in charge and I’d say that although Ryan got a date rose, there wasn’t a great deal of chemistry between the two, as evidenced also by their really awkward dancing. She didn’t seem ready to give up the life of a single mom for him. But it’s early days yet.
The next part of the show was more surreal than they said their dinner date was. The Muppets showed up! It was time for the guys to stage a charity variety show for the Ricky Hendrick Centers for Intensive Care at the Levine Children’s Hospital! The Muppets divide the guys into groups and tried gamely to train them up in dancing, singing and standup comedy.
Charlie (who was previously brain injured) was terrified.
‘Knowing my insecurities about speaking, it really struck fear into my heart, he said, before bravely confessing his fears to Emily.
As I expected and hoped, Emily was understanding and was fine with him joining the Rainbow Connection gang.
So then it was showtime, complete with Statler and Chris Harrison heckling from the balcony (Statler: ‘Hey, that wasn’t half bad.’ Harrison: ‘It was ALL bad!’) Miss Piggy put Charlie on the spot but I loved his answer to her asking, ‘What do you tell a woman when you want to impress her?’: ‘I would remind her every day how beautiful she is, how special she makes me feel, and how lucky I am to have her in my life.’
Just as I think I’m falling just a little bit in love with Charlie, Emily brought Ricki up on stage to sing ‘The Rainbow Connection’ with Kermit and Miss Piggy and I was reminded what cute – and love – really is.
It seems like my favorite from last week, Chris, was feeling a little insecure and missing Emily because he pulled her aside at the cocktail party and reminded her,
‘I feel like at the beginning we had a connection. I felt comfortable, very comfortable.’
Jef seems to have taken the opposite strategy. Emily felt he’d ignored her all day. She apparently likes a man who plays hard to get because while I was sighing and rolling my eyes, half listening to Jef ramble on about how he doesn’t want her looking at all the other guys the way she looks at him, Emily fell for it, hook, line and sinker.
It’s a shame for her that if she likes a man to play hard to get that she is surrounded by men desperately vying for her attention. Tensions mounted as the guys because jealous and Stevie told Kalon that he didn’t like him. You’re in good company there, Stevie.
The second guy to get a one-on-one with Emily was Joe. And he really did get the expected ‘Bachelorette’ treatment, taking a private jet with Emily to White Sulfur Springs, West Virginia, the Bachelorette’s home state. The Greenbrier resort was beautiful but there were far more interesting things going on back at the Bachelorette house.
‘I always imagined that my first child would be my actual child,’ said Kalon.’I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it.’
(Pause while I pick my jaws up off the floor and peel my eyes off the ceiling.)
Reality check. Emily has a daughter. Ricki. She already exists. Surely if you applied for ‘The Bachelorette’ you can’t be the only eligible American guy left alive that didn’t know that. Oh wait, he knew because Emily may have mentioned it a few times. I am struggling to put into words just how much I dislike Kalon right now. I don’t think I can without using lots of expletives so I will just leave that with you.
Instead of pulling his head in when the other guys are clearly unimpressed with this attitude, he chose to go after Doug, telling him he chose to put ‘being a dad on hold’ to vie for Emily’s attentions on ‘The Bachelorette.’ Not that Doug should have to defend himself but he did it really well, I think:
‘I actually wasn’t going to do this, until my son was like… “I think you need to get out of the house more.”’
I thought that was so beautiful and it put me back in a happy place. So it was nice to join Emily and Joe on their date again. Emily was back talking the 5-Year-Plan.
“If it’s you and me standing, I will pack my bags and I’ll go wherever you ask me to go, and I will start a life.”
So far so good. But when Emily asked about children, that’s when Joe began hedging his bets again, saying ‘a lot of these things don’t get planned out.’
Emily was clearly floored, stammering and tearful. That’s the end of Joe, I reckon.
At the cocktail party, Arie made a smart move, pointing out he has dated single moms before. I felt sorry for Tony’s lousy timing, interrupting Emily as she was reading a letter from Ryan. And guess what! Tony has a 5-year-old son he hadn’t mentioned before. Will Taylor save his dad after this faux-pas?
Kalon told Emily how hard it is to find love with women his own age, since he’s soooo mature. Really? I hadn’t noticed. The other guys were circling, stirring up Kalon-hate. While I don’t agree with all of them (reference John/Wolf saying ‘I have a rule – If you have Louis Vuitton luggage, and you’re a dude, then you’re an a–hole’) they do have a point. Kalon is an offensive a–hole and I hoped Emily would realize it soon.
Please, please, please don’t let him get a rose. Oh…WHAT!!…Kalon got the first rose! I fainted and had to be revived at this point but I have it on good authority that the other roses went to: Arie, Michael, Nate, Sean, Chris, Doug, Travis, Tony, John/Wolf, Alessandro, Charlie, Alejandro, and Stevie. Aaron and Kyle were out of the game. Oh sorry, it’s not a game, is it? It’s Emily Maynard’s quest for true love and a father for Ricki…if she can let them in. That said, what do you think to the choices Emily Maynard made? Oh and sorry for my slightly duff information yesterday. Emily *does* eventually tell Kalon to f— right off, but it just wasn’t last night. Shame, that!