Sean Lowe kicked off his journey toward true love last night on “The Bachelor” season 17 premiere. Or so he hopes. I’ve already introduced you to the girls so here I want to focus on Sean and how he’s changed things up a bit this season, and looks like he’s going to be a cute and funny “Bachelor”. The “cute” part we already knew, right? But funny…?
“I know it’s going to be physically exhausting,” Sean says.
Cue an excuse for him to get his shirt off and working out. Works for me. He even tried his hand at acting, as the talk with Arie Luydendyck Jr. was so obviously staged and scripted.
“I want to protect my woman, I want to love my woman. I can’t wait to find her,” declares Sean.
“I don’t know the reason for the visit, but it will be good to see him,” muses Sean.
Yeah, right. Of course you don’t. These so-called “good friends” have hardly seen each other since getting dumped in Curacao. Even in this world of internet communication and long-distance relationships that doesn’t count as best friends, Sean!
Over a breakfast of strawberries and beer the two reminisce about the “Bachelorette” final with Emily Maynard.
“I thought I had it in the bag,” admits Sean. “Then she called Jef’s name, and then my first thought was, ‘Dude, Arie’s going home — that sucks!’”
Arie laughs, but he’s been given a script to deliver and he’s gonna deliver it:
“Tonight you’re going to obviously to be delivering a lot of roses,” he informs Sean. “Have you thought about how you’re going to deliver them? How are you going to say it?”
Sean plays along, rephrasing the rose invitation a few times. Then it seems like they all know what the franchise is about and it’s not true love. On to break up techniques.
Sean has a sudden outbreak of honesty: “I can’t use ‘It’s not you, it’s me,’ because it’s obviously going to be them.” Ker-ching!
But then Arie starts teaching Sean how to kiss. Now that’s better! How could I have ever wanted this segment to end! Then all too soon it seemed it was on to the arrival of the women. I’ve mainly covered their arrivals in an earlier post so check that one out and let’s turn attention to Sean’s reactions and how he switches up the rules here, being so impressed with one of the ladies. And the things I missed the first time.
Like Desiree’s sneaky laugh. For the bridal stylist’s comment, “You’re seeing all these girls so happy and you’re like, ‘How did they meet their guy?’” read she’s sick of seeing fat ugly birds getting their men while she sits on the shelf.
Tierra’s as excitable as her dog. Upon being told Sean is the Bachelor she tells the pooch all about it in high-pitched squeals. At least, I think that’s what it was. I can’t speak canine. And she changes her phone wallpaper to a pic of Sean, which was kind of cute.
Robyn’s smart compared to the usual contestants on these shows. She’s teaching herself Spanish. She can backflip too. Sorta. But she lands on her butt the last time.
Robyn, Leslie, Ashley H. and Brooke are the first African-American contestants since 2008, I think, so producers are obviously working hard to counteract racism claims leveled at the franchise.
Diana (31) is a single mother of two girls who runs a hair salon and has a problem achieving “that mad, deep, passionate love,” which I guess is why she’s a single mom.
Sarah’s a smart cookie too, and as she’ll tell you, she has one arm.
Ashley boldly says, “I have no idea why I’m still single!” I could suggest a few reasons: that voice, that ego, but chiefly, an obsession with “50 Shades of Grey”. “I totally hope Sean rips my clothes off and spanks me!” Now, as much as we all might like to have seen that happen, it was never going to, was it?
I don’t understand why the producers have Lesley print out the world’s saddest campaign poster, reading “Lesley Sean 2016″ unless they’re saying that’s how long they’d give a relationship between the two. I think that’s a little long.
Then there was Courtney…ah…I’m sorry, I mean Kristy. Model. Insists that “girls will be jealous of me”? You see why I made a mistake there, huh, “Bachelor” fans?
Kelly the cruise ship entertainer’s song has to be worth a mention, if only for the great lyrics: “I really hope love grows/but we won’t find out unless you give me a rose.”
Sean has learned diplomacy, because he tells Kelly her song was “amazing.” and he lets Katie the yoga instructor lead him in a cleansing breath.
But even he doesn’t know what to say when it comes to Ashley (of the “50 Shades” obsession) pulling out a blue necktie out from her bosom and asking, “Maybe you can teach me how to use this later?” He stares at it helplessly for a few seconds before politely responding, “I’m guessing I know the symbolism behind this…” He almost has to be rescued by a back flipping Robyn but her fall on her butt sure changed the mood – for the better.
Sean obviously hadn’t paid close attention to “Bachelor Pad 3”. He appeared oblivious to the fact Paige had been on it and briefly flirted with Reid.
And then Sean stamped is mark of the season and changed the rules. After Tierra shows Sean the heart tattoo on her finger he takes an unusually long pause and then excuses himself for a minute. “Wait right here, okay?” He tells host Chris Harrison that Tierra has impressed him with her “positive vibes” and he wants to give her a rose. Of course he’s allowed to, probably because the producers are hoping it will do exactly what Sean hopes it won’t do: create tension among the girls.
Back in the driveway, Amanda proposes to Sean that they share a preemptive awkward pause, which is kinda cute; Keriann tells him that she drove 2,775 miles to be on the show and Desiree gives Sean some a penny to toss in Casa Bachelor’s fountain. If Sean is surprised by Sarah’s appearance, he doesn’t show it. “You’re beautiful!” he gushes. Lesley M also impresses him, hiking him a football. Lindsay, however, looks like a crazy woman, showing up in a wedding dress. She doesn’t make things better when she gives herself props for the prank. “I’ve got balls!” she boasts to Sean, who deadpans, “Well, I hope not.”
I was coughing up peanuts for the next part but I don’t think it was any more exciting than I judged it to be when Kacie Boguskie then showed up as the “surprise” girl. Of course the girls resent her, but if you think about it, it’s crazy. Appearing on the show before really doesn’t give you any better chance of success. It’s a different “Bachelor” you see. Different guy. Get it? She just knows where to go pee in the night but you’ll learn it soon enough, ladies.
But then Kacie gets the first one-on-one with Sean. Ever the gentleman, the Bachelor drapes his jacket over her as they chat about their last meeting, with the “Bachelor/Bachelorette” alumni. Although Sean admits to the camera later that it’s “kinda weird” to find out that Ben’s castoff now has a crush on him. Still, Kacie thinks things went well: “If I didn’t get a rose tonight, I’d be a little shocked.”
Desiree gets a rose on her one-on-one. Paige is aghast. “Are there two first impression roses?” she gasps. But then AshLee also gets a rose and I’m surprised it didn’t wilt under the other women’s glares.
AsheLee wastes no time finding Tierra to twist the knife a little bit. “So, is yours really the first impression?… I mean, you’re stunning, but it’s definitely not the first impression rose — it’s just the first rose.” Tiny T appears horrified at this suggestion, but she should really just relax, because the game has changed and now Sean is handing out roses to whomever he feels like. I heard some production team got them but had to give them back. (No, not really…)
Selma, Robyn, Katie, Catherine, Jackie, and Leslie all get roses.
“The girls I’m giving roses to during the cocktail party are really girls that just have great energy and that I feel that initial connection with,” says Sean, who admits his actions “are probably adding to the tension that already exists.”
Yes it was, and I loved it!
Ashley H. and Lindsay miss out on roses on their one-on-one chats. But then Lindsay is hammered by her one-on-one, and worried Sean didn’t get the wedding dress “joke.” Unfortunately, her plan to show the Bachelor that she’s just a “goofball” and doesn’t really expect him to marry her on night one involves drunkenly begging for kisses and then insisting in a baby voice that she’s a “good girl” and that she and Sean have “the same morals.”
Ashley P. alsop had way too much to drink. Eventually Sean talks about the tie. “I have not forgotten about the tie,” says the Bachelor tentatively. “I also brought a rape whistle in case I’m in trouble.” Sean made a joke! A funny one! Ahh but then Ashley proved that not just her but her whole family are crazies, telling Sean her mom already refers to him as “my son-in-law.” The Bachelor manages to disengage himself from the situation politely, and the good news for Ashley is that he doesn’t appear to see it when she falls down the stairs. Oh but I did.
Unlike Ashley P. who seems perfectly comfortable with making an impression, some of the other girls appear never to have seen “The Bachelor” before. Honestly. They are so shy as wallflowers they become like wallpaper. Taryn, for example, is driven to tears by the idea that she’s going to have to compete with other women for Sean’s affections, while Sarah’s insecurities keep her glued to the couch.
Eventually, though, Sarah musters up the courage to pull Sean aside and give him her elevator pitch (about how her dog is her life, but she doesn’t want to marry him), as well as a frank, well-spoken ice breaker: “Obviously I was born with one arm,” she begins. “I don’t want to be perceived as disabled – I might be a little different or a little unique, but at the end of the day I have the same heart. I just don’t want you to feel uncomfortable.” To Sean’s credit, he gives her the rose, and he actually seems pretty genuine about it. Ya see? Relax, Sarah!
With all the roses given out earlier, there isn’t much left to do at the actual rose ceremony, and I kinda like that. I hope the trend continues.
Seven more roses are given, to Amanda, Leslie M., Kacie, Kristy, Daniella, Taryn, and Lindsay. Yes, I’m as surprised as you about Lindsay. But maybe the producers told Sean to do that. Brooke and Diana must also have got roses earlier too but it’s not clear in the show.
So the girls to leave “The Bachelor” season 17 premiere are: Lauren, KerriAnn, Lacey, Paige, Kelly, Ashley H., and Ashley P. who then flashes her tattooed butt and says, “That Ken doll missed out on 100 percent of this Barbie ass!” I think we’ll cope.