Sign language interpreter Jack Jason couldn’t even get a High 5 from Donald Trump. He tried but then had to jump awkwardly out of the way as Trump just carried on walking. He was obviously eager to get to Amanda Miller.

I was eager to see who would be named the next ‘Celebrity Apprentice’ winner: Clay Aiken or Arsenio Hall. After the three elements (PSA, party, performance) Arsenio emerged triumphant but let’s have a look if he really deserved to win.

We got to see all the fired celebrities except Cheryl Tiegs return. I don’t know who gave Trump the questions to ask them, but they were duds. Like asking Victoria Gotti if her background helped her on the show. Not a great deal, since she was second celebrity out, would be my guess on that. He also asked Adam if he did so well because he’s a funny guy. Um…he didn’t do that well, Donald. Adam being a funny guy just helped me like him and wish he’d stayed in a lot longer.

For me, the funniest part will maybe seem a little cruel. Patricia Velásquez was busy telling a sob story of how she now didn’t have the money to build a school since most of the money she raised to build a school ended up going to the other team. Of course, she couldn’t get more from her donors, either, since their money hadn’t gone to the intended place. Donald seemed like he couldn’t care less.

“Well, you’re doing well. You’re doing well,” he said.

I thought he couldn’t have made it clearer that he wasn’t interested in anything else but the show. But he did when George Takei was unceremoniously cut off when he started talking about all the money he had raised outside of the show.

Didn’t they understand he had a light entertainment show to make! That can be the only reason they had finalists Clay and Arsenio duet on “Lean on Me.” That was probably the worst part of the ‘Celebrity Apprentice’ final but a reality TV competition doesn’t seem complete without a gospel choir and this is how they fitted one in here. ‘Survivor’ missed a trick.

There was, as usual, no apparent logic in how Donald Trump picked Arsenio Hall as the winner. From the moment he freaked out on Aubrey in the Boardroom, I was hoping he wouldn’t win.

So let’s have a look at the final task. The one that Donald supposedly based his decision on. The first was the ad. Clay’s was earnest and fine. Arsenio’s was memorable and fun. Round 1 to Arsenio, I think.

Next came the party. Last week the big drama over Clay’s party centered on Aiken’s demand to see sketches from Debbie’s cousin before he would allow her to paint a big mural on the wall. Disappointingly, that all got cleared up pretty easily.

But don’t worry, Aubrey was on hand to dramatize some other stuff. A random turned up at the party and when Clay began to introduce himself, Aubrey stepped in, hugged the guy and then attempted to escort him away.

“You want to let me do this since this is my show?” Clay asked rhetorically.

Aubrey wasn’t happy at being reminded that she was out of the show.

“If I wasn’t here, he wouldn’t have a show,” Aubrey informed everyone confidently. Miaaooww!

It was a mammoth effort getting the room painted. Clay even donned a trash bag to keep his suit and tie clean.

We didn’t see much of Team Arsenio getting ready because their party setting was more straightforward. But he was the one to pull in the big name donations, from Jay Leno, Chris Rock, Eddie Murphy, George Lopez and Jimmy Kimmel among others. Clay’s only truly big name was Kelly Clarkson. Strangely, though, Clay brought in a lot more money: $301,500 to $167,100. Clay had the best part, though, I think. It was more unusual and looked a lot of fun to be at.

Round 2 to Clay?

The last part was the performances of the two variety shows. Adam, Lisa, and Arsenio are all professional comedians, so they knew how to work a room. The comedy show Arsenio put on was hardly inventive but it made me chuckle. It managed to appeal to a wide spectrum and not really offend anyone.

In contrast, Clay’s show was crazy – and not in a good way. I never want to see Dee Snider and Debbie Gibson serenading each other with “Baby Love,” again. Aubrey’s performance of “I Will Survive” was later revealed to be technically inaccurate since he was actually fired, although he got to the end so that counts, of course. I can’t let this party go by without mentioning Penn’s dirty dancing with Aubrey, though. Yuck! The Dee and Debbie mashup was funny, though. Clay didn’t get the chance to finish his song alone as Aubrey O’Day ran up to suck face with him again. And Dee Snider actually sang the “Dirty Dancing” theme.

I think it was a tough call between the parties Clay’s was cheesy but fun. Arsenio’s was slick and cool.

In the boardroom, Donald gave victory to Arsenio. I didn’t know what to expect but as I said earlier, I wouldn’t have given it to him. I have my reasons. Donald’s reasons are less clear. Do you think Arsenio was the right winner for ‘Celebrity Apprentice’ 2012?

‘

Whoever was knocked out last night it was going to be a shock. But I didn’t expect it to be as big a shock as this. Joshua Ledet was eliminated.

From the judges’ comments and from the fact she was the one that had been in the bottom 2 before, I expected Jessica Sanchez to go. Still, her performances had been amazing. Phillip Phillips’ song choice caused some negative comments and on one song judge Randy Jackson said he was “just OK,” which also put him in danger n my mind.

But Joshua Ledet flew under the radar for once. Never as amazing as he has been in previous shows, but never doing anything particularly wrong either in Wednesday’s performance show, he was the one person I fully expected to see in the final.

But no. He failed to pull in the public votes and so Phillip Phillips, who has not been in the Bottom 2 but who hasn’t always received rave reviews from the judges, and the once-eliminated, but saved by the judges, Jessica Sanchez have advanced to the final.

Next week, one of them will be crowned ‘American Idol’ champion.

Southern singer Joshua Ledet gave one of his most passionate performances after hearing the elimination news, with his reprise of the soul classic, ‘It’s A Man’s Man’s Man’s World,’ which Randy Jackson had declared the best ‘American Idol’ performance ever on its first airing from Joshua.

Earlier this month, after performing ‘To Love Somebody,’ by the Bee Gees, Jackson had also said that Joshua’s time on the show would always be a high mark in the competition’s history.

“You’re one of the best singers on this show. Ever. Ever. No matter what goes down, you’re one of the best singers ever on this show… That was incredible. Nobody can do that better,” he said at the time.

And Jennifer went one step further.

“I think you’re one of the best singers I’ve seen in 50 years.”

Joshua hugged a clearly upset judge Jennifer Lopez before he left the stage.

‘American Idol’ returns for the Season 11 Final, from L.A. Live, on Wednesday at 8/7c on FOX. Are you shocked that Joshua Ledet won’t be in it?

There was also a photo shoot for the “America’s Next Top Model” fragrance, Dream Come True, in front of the client, Hatch Beauty founder, Ben Bennett.

At the beginning of last night’s episode we were left with: Sophie (21) from England, Laura (20) from the USA and Annaliese (24) from England.  My favorite is still in it! Actually, she was still in it at the end of the show too, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves.

Last night’s episode opened with the girls traumatized by the panel judgements and Annaliese feeling like the underdog. Oh and the one remaining American was stressing about that too!

So it was just in the nick of time that the girls got a Tyra Mail telling them to ‘Get Up and Go For it’ at the Hong Kong go-sees. As a little added spice, for every job they booked they got a thousand dollars.

William Tang loved Annaliese; he thought someone had to teach Laura to walk.  Gregory Derham loved Sophie.  Henry Lau said he needed someone sexier that Annaliese. Nude Is Rude also weren’t keen on Laura’s walk but their designer thought she looked good in the clothes.

So it came to pass that Laura booked 2 of the 4, Annaliese booked 3 of the 4 and Sophie booked all 4, making her the challenge winner and the face of Rude is Nude for the whole year.

Next the girls discovered they were doing a photo shoot for ‘Dream Come True’ Fragrance.  Whoever won Best Picture would have it used for the campaign of the fragrance. The twist was that the girls had to pose in a life-size bottle of the fragrance.

The soft pink girliness of the photos shoot had Laura freaking out because she really is not that kind of a girl, she said. Sophie knew she had to stand out and she did well, with Mr. Jay loved praising her energy; he thought it was magical. Annaliese had trouble looking happy and Laura also struggled, although she can do sexy and sultry. Mr. Jay was worried for her, but he need not have been.

Sophie was chosen as the first finalist, followed by Laura. Annaliese was eliminated, and although I am pleased with the final two chosen I couldn’t help feeling their had been better photo shoots.

Next week the final two, Sophie and Laura, will walk in a Forever 21 Fashion Show.  Who will be crowned ‘America’s Next Top Model’?  Tune in next Wednesday to find out. It’s a battle of the USA vs. the UK. Didn’t we always know it would be?

The contestants had to perform three songs in the semi-finals; could they being their ‘A’ game along for all of those? Would a favorite slip up at the (almost) final hurdle?

The three songs each contestant performed were one the ‘American Idol’ judges chose for them, one that mentor Jimmy Iovine picked for them and one selected by the contestants themselves. It was sure to bring out some amazing classics, but how did our Idol contestants cope with them?

The first round was the judges’ choice of songs.

First up was Joshua Ledet singing ‘I’d Rather Go Blind’ by Etta James. Now I know Etta James was great and all that but this doesn’t rate on my Top 100 Favorite Songs, so I was kind of with Randy’s unspoken criticism here when he said, “I hope you can bring your touch to modern times.” Yes he’s a “throwback” as Jennifer said, but he has an amazing voice and I really hope he stays current. “This [was] another Joshua moment,” as Steven pointed out, but I’d rather have heard him sing something current, or at least a better ‘classic’ than this one.

Next, Jessica Sanchez sang ‘My All’ by Mariah Carey which had Steven predicting a Jessica win. “That was absolutely beautiful, the right song for you, excellent,” said Randy and Jennifer complimented her for putting her own spin on the song. It was a strong performance on an emotional song. The stuff of which ‘American Idol’ winners are made.

Phillip Phillips completed our trio with ‘Begging’ by Mankind, not a song I know well but I appreciated Phillip doing his own thing on it. “We were just at the Phil Phillips concert,” said Randy. “You are in the zone, you have a good time, another incredible performance by you, you are who you are and we love it.” Jennifer said he caught the groove in the song. I was most excited by Steven saying that he hopes Phillip will write his own songs “because you could be the new Springsteen.” Squeal!

Then there came some confusing discussion about which of our three remaining contestants won that round. Phillip was the only one to get a standing ovation from the judges, so you’d expect them all to choose Phillip, right? Wrong! Jennifer got with the program and picked Phillip, and at least Steven didn’t commit, but Randy preferred Joshua. So why wasn’t he on his feet for the guy earlier? Anyway – important point – no one picked Jessica, who has so far been the darling of the show in the judges’ eyes.

The contestants got to choose their own songs for round two and this is often where things can go wrong. But I couldn’t wait to see what Phillip chose for himself. But first up was Joshua, after some footage of his hometown visit to Westlake, Louisiana. He made me laugh saying that the very excited fans thought he was Barack Obama. He took his beautiful little niece Chloe with him in the limo for the parade, at which Joshua acted like a politician! He was waving and kissing babies all over the place. After a stop at his school to meet more adoring fans, Joshua played a concert at Burton Coliseum. The concert began in style with “It’s a Man’s Man’s Man’s World” and ended in fireworks.

Back in the studio, Joshua Ledet performed his own choice of ‘Imagine’ by John Lennon. Now this really is one of my favorite songs of all time and I find it very emotional, so I was a little perturbed by Randy asking Joshua, “Why did you choose this song?” Surely he wasn’t going to criticize it! My heart sank a little further as Joshua replied that he heard it on the way to the show. I was getting worried when Randy continued, “Everything you sing should touch you,” but no, we were OK; he was building up to a compliment: “You dig deep into the lyric and the performance, another stellar performance, I love that, Brilliant dude.” Jennifer called it “beautiful,” and she told Joshua he was special for the vulnerability and courage he shows in his performances. Steven said, “It was beautiful, another ‘thank you, God’ moment, every time you take it over the top because you are so fine.” I love Steven… I mean…Joshua.

Next we saw Jessica Sanchez’ home town visit to Chula Vista, California, where she travels by helicopter, landing in the football field where it all began with her audition. Jessica promises to win the competition for her family. A bold statement from the youngster, although she had to be riding pretty high knowing that the judges used their one and only save on her. She has to hope the American public has fallen back in love with her, though, because only they can make her ‘American Idol’ winner, or keep her in until the final. She got a day named after her, though. Her concert was at USS Midway Museum, where Jessica sang ‘Dance With My Father’ for her dad that is overseas. I’m trying not to be unkind but the song doesn’t carry anywhere near as much gravitas when the father in question isn’t dead.

Her song choice of ‘I Don’t Want To Miss A Thing’ by Aerosmith surprised me. In a good way. It was a tough hill to climb, as Randy pointed out but as he said, she certainly delivered. Jennifer said, “You don’t know what a big deal that is, he has never said a good thing about someone who sang his songs, really good job baby.” Steven said, “You just took a great song and made it greater, beautiful.” That was a massive leap up from her first song and now she’s given me an earrworm.

Phillip Phillips was the last one to perform his choice of song, but first we saw his hometown visit home to Leesburg, Georgia. He went to the pawn shop to visit his very, very proud dad and then they went home to his mom and sisters. This is just a beautiful, loving family. I’m not saying the others aren’t, but I was truly touched by how affectionate and proud of Phillip these people are. I’m trying not to cry even now as I write about it. He was still clearly overwhelmed by the fans’ support at his concert.

Aaannddd then we crashed. I knew how this was going to go as soon as Phillip said his choice of song was ‘Disease’ by Matchbox 20. The judges were clearly underwhelmed and I was left staring at my TV screen mourning a lost opportunity. “It was such a subdued moment, you can do that in your sleep, it was just ok,” said Randy. Jennifer said it was an easy performance too and it was. Not “the wow performance that we are needing right now.” Steven agreed and for a moment I didn’t want to watch the rest of the show.

But of course I did! It was Jimmy Iovine’s choice next and this was bound to be fun, even though we didn’t get to see him sabotage Hollie Cavanagh or Skylar Laine because we all know how much he loved them.

Joshua Ledet was given ‘No More Drama’ by Mary J. Blige and I was sighing and wishing he could get a man’s song again. But Randy said, “At this point it doesn’t matter what you do or what you sing, people should just vote for you. The natural performer that you are, I don’t care, that is what being an artist is all about.”  Soooooo… we don’t need performances on ‘American Idol’? Is that what he’s saying? It’s a popularity contest at the end? I hope TV bosses aren’t watching, Randy. Steven again said it was “beautiful.” He seems to have run out of other comments to make. Jennifer said, “You have this perfect marriage of knowing what you are doing and knowing when to do it, the thing that is exciting about you is the spontaneity.”

Jimmy Iovine chose “I’ll Be There” by The Jackson Five because he wanted to show how young Jessica is and to keep her youth. I had mixed feeling about that: about the song and about the intention. So did Randy, who I tend to think has the most integrity and honesty among the judges. He said, “I liked it ok, I didn’t love it, once again we are at the end here, there was never a moment, it was ok but it wasn’t like oh my God.” But Jennifer praised Jimmy’s choice and of course Jennifer’s “perfect tone.” Steven said, “That song was perfect, perfect voice, over the top.” Things were maybe looking up for Jennifer if we ignore Mr. Grumpy in the corner.

Next, Phillip Phillps sang ‘We’ve Got Tonight’ by Bob Seger, chosen by Jimmy because he wanted to find a song that addressed both Phillip’s male and female fans. It was a brilliant choice, if the judges’ comments are to be believed. Randy called it “the perfect song at the perfect time, your best ever. Finally when you need a moment, you had a giant moment. We wanted you to sing a melody, you got it dude, you got it, you are in it to win it, he is ready.” Jennifer said, “it was like a lullaby, “perfect” and I snapped out of my trance when she pointed out that there were about a million girls wishing they were singing it with Phillip. No, no, no – I will not get another ‘Idol’ crush. I’m still loyal, Scottyyyyy! Anyway, I have to figure out what Steven meant when he said  “You sang like you didn’t care,” closely followed by “you have all that passion wrapped up in you.” Now, those two things don’t fit together in my head so I am confused, but I think he liked it.

That was some semi-final, and not necessarily what I expected to happen. But what did you think to the ‘American Idol’ semi-final performances? I think the night belonged to the guys and underdog Phillip Phillips may just have stolen it for me. We’ll find out tonight, of course, as we return for the cruelest cut of all as someone pretty phenomenal won’t make the final.

Actually, I think he’s doing a great job so far, if maybe not quite what the producers expected. I think he’s better than that. Yes, he’s brutally honest, but he also displays a heart a compassion for the contestants which I really liked, and which made his sharp criticisms even funnier, to me.

So the judges headed to San Francisco for another round of open auditions.

First up was David Garibaldi and his CMYK’s combining graffiti art, dancing and music. Wow, wow, wow! Well worth their standing ovation from the judges. Howard thought it was fantastic and I love how he admitted to feeling a jerk because he thought they were painting him. They ‘delivered wow’ as Howie said, and had no trouble securing three yeses.

Mister Special was booed almost as soon as he hit the stage. Well, what do you expect if you dress that way and arrive on a kid’s bicycle playing a trumpet! Howie didn’t buzz him because he kept thinking something would come later in the act but it didn’t. He advised Mister Special to get help and he had a point. But at least the hopeful (deluded?) contestant got to confess that he’s always had the hots for Sharon.

After a list of not very good acts, we got to Kim McAfee. She wasn’t very good either, but Nick felt bad for her that she didn’t have her partner with her so he filled in. But not even this second attempt got Kim past the judges.

17 year old Cristin Sandu treated us to an amazing balancing act, with Sharon first to give him a standing ovation, although she said she was afraid for him. Howie wanted a faster build up so voted no, but the two yes votes were enough to take him to Vegas.

The Lisa Clark Dancers impressed the audience but Howard zoned out and so did I, although for some reason he voted yes. Howie gave then a no but Sharon’s positive vote carried them forward.

A magician, musician team, a 14-year old singer with a huge voice and Mike the Juggler all made it through to Vegas.

Dave Burleigh tied me in knots. He did a parody of Dancing with the Stars with “real” stars as he said. I had to love this guy, even though he was mocking one of my favorite shows. The audience went nuts for him, which Howard picked up on, but advised him to get a couple of killer lines and be more edgy. Howie found it was spot on with good material, Sharon toldDave not to take any of Howard’s advice, and he got three yes votes.

Luiz Meneghuin is a nurse who sings opera for his patients. Even Howie felt the emotion and his family were crying as the audience gave him a standing ovation. Luiz told the judges that he was very poor as a child and his father bought a record player and classical music; his father’s dream was for one of his children to sing, but he passed away last year. Even without the back story he deserved his standing ovation. Howard said that there is a lot of emotion in this song, Sharon thought he was fabulous and had a very strong voice and Howie told Luiz that his father can see him now and he has made his dream come true. I was crying at this point but I’m guessing all three judges gave him a yes vote.

Paula Nelson (80 years old) a.k.a.  “Granny G” rapped about family values. She entertained me and got Sharon to her feet but I can’t see this act going well in Vegas. We’ll see, though, as all the judges said yes.

Kotton Kandy got three no votes as a guy prancing around in a blue sparkly bikini with hot pink boas and sunglasses. But at least Nick danced with him at the news he was going home, so he got something out of the day.

Tim Hockenberry was the next performer of any note, which is an intentional pun as he’s a singer. He played the keyboard and sang “You Are So Beautiful.” I loved his voice and Howard called him a breath of fresh air, Howie said he had a phenomenal talent and toldTim that his life is about to change. Sharon loved that he sang with great emotion and she thought his voice was really good. See you in Vegas, Tim!

Funk Beyond Control were certainly dancing out of control. I don’t know why the judges loved them but they did.

Turf, the extreme contortionist dancer, had Howie up on his feet and the crowd loved it, so he got his dream come true and he advised kids to go for their dream. He was justified with three yes votes.

So that was it for a night with lots of crazy acts but some showings of real stellar talent. I can’t wait until next week when ‘America’s Got Talent’ hits Howard’s home town.

The different between first and last placed couple was only three points so it makes the competition interesting going in to next week’s final

The judges chose to see William Levy and Cheryl Burke’s Samba again because it was absolutely perfect. Then it was on to the results.

Katherine Jenkins and Mark Ballas were quickly announced as safe, as were William Levy and Cheryl Burke – a relief as it would have been a bit embarrassing if he got eliminated right after the judges asked to see his ‘perfect’ dance again!

But what’s that? In jeopardy were last night’s highest scoring couple, Maria Menounos and Derek Hough, joined by Donald Driver and Peta Murgatroyd. The latter two were who I really expected to leave the competition last night. But no, we had to say goodbye to our highest scoring couple with the judges, even though they scored a perfect 30 score for their Argentine Tango.

What do you think to Maria and Derek being eliminated? Who’s your favorite to win the mirror ball trophy now? (Mine hasn’t changed all season and she’s still in it to win it!)

Simon was interviewed leaving the ABC Kitchen in NYC last night after a dinner date with the other new “X Factor” judge Demi Lovato. He shrugged off concerns that Britney’s ongoing conservatorship hints at her continued mental instability. It doesn’t make Simon nervous at all, he said. He also expressed confidence in Demi, whom he is sure will pull in younger viewers.

But presumably he picked up the bill for dinner. It would be the only thing to do since Dem Lovato is allegedly only getting paid 1/15 of the $15 million dollar fee headed Britney’s way, despite the pulling power Cowell says he believes the young ex-Disney star has.

Simon may not be nervous about taking on Britney Spears, but Britney clearly is. At the announcement yesterday of the new ‘X Factor’ judging panel Britney was photographed with chewed fingernails and bloody cuticles. It seems she still has a battle with nail biting and tearing the skin on her cuticles when she is anxious. As far back as 2008 at least she has unsuccessfully been trying to kick this nervous habit.

What do you think to the choice of Britney and Demi as ‘X Factor’ judges? Do we have anything to be worried about?

Jeremy Bieber has reportedly signed up to take part in the UK edition of Celebrity Big Brother.

“He has been talking to producers for a few weeks and they have cut a deal. The fact he is the father of one of the most famous people in the world means he was near the top of the producers’ wish-list. No doubt Justin’s fans will tune in to see what his dad is like. Justin is a little worried, though,” reports a source close to the show.

Justin Bieber worried? I’ll bet he is! For once (actually, quite often) I’m glad I’m not famous enough to have my father invited on to ‘Celebrity Big Brother.’

Bieber’s dad, who lives with his wife and two younger kids (Justin’s half-siblings) in Canada, didn’t share a house with Justin when he was growing up, but they stayed in contact.  He was only 19 when Justin was born, making him a pretty young Dad.

Justin was raised by his mom, Pattie Mallette and her parents.

Meanwhile, Jeremy was busy drinking too heavily and getting in to fights. Justin is right to be worried about what will be divulged on this show. This guy is definitely not who you expect Justin Bieber’s father to be. Granted, he didn’t exactly raise his son. But the woman who did all the work isn’t likely to travel to the UK to put herself through ‘Celebrity Big Brother,’ even for the $150,000 fee.

If I were Justin, I’d be thinking seriously about paying Dad to stay home. It’s not a matter of him having a drunken and violent past; that is very much this guy’s life now, with him being involved in brawls as late as a few months ago. And there will be plenty of alcohol in the ‘Big Brother’ house.

What do you think to Jeremy Bieber appearing on the UK reality TV program? Are you worried what damage he could do to Justin? Or are you already looking forward to finding out exactly what Jeremy has to say about his famous son?

So did Stern behave? Yes, basically, although it’s clear he is not easily impressed. Which is a good thing on this show. After all, the winner is supposed be a global star and be able to headline a show in Vegas; that’s not easy and it needs someone with talent.

Was there anyone on last night’s premiere of ‘America’s Got Talent’ who could fill those shoes?

Howard Stern started the episode in fine form by declaring that he knows what the American public want to see and “I’m the only damn American on the panel anyway”. He followed that up by saying the executives should be fired for choosing him as a judge. Oh I am going to love this guy.

But what about the contestants?

First up was Aoni Jackson, a magician. Howard loves magic and he was excited Nick was chosen to help with the act by loaning his ring, but he couldn’t remove it so Howie loaned his ring instead. Unfortunately, the act was uber boring and not even a screen descending with him dressed in a sexy cop outfit, behind which the guy does a strip tease, could make it entertaining to anyone but Sharon. By biggest laugh was Howie saying he didn’t want his ring back as it had been hanging from Aoni’s nipple. Three Xs.

Miss. Les, the “Bird Lady” arrived on stage with 22 cockatiels. The singer’s song was cute and catchy but since her cockatiels appeared to have got stage fright or been struck dumb then they were somewhat surplus to requirements. Howie loved it, which started an argument with Howard, who had buzzed her. Sharon had the deciding vote and thankfully said ‘no,’ although she said Miss Les had a sweet voice.

Next a guy singing “Proud Mary” got three Xs. Howard told him he was terrible, and the guy gave a great response, saying that he would be hurt if he respected Howard’s opinion. Makes me wonder why he came on the show in the first place, but he was soon booted off it again.

Next was a singer trying, and failing, to sound like Michael Jackson. Howard had obviously just treated the previous act as the warm up guy. On this one he really went for it, asking if his parents ever told him that he was terrible, and when the guy says his parents are dead, asking if they died of embarrassment. I didn’t want to like that comment but I was trying not to inhale my snacks at the time.

A lot of the acts were terrible, as you would expect at this stage of any reality TV competition. They are just trotted out for some ritual humiliation so we can feel a little bit better about ourselves and our own insignificant talents. Howard was on hand to suggest a Plan B to them, though, telling one girl to go marry some rich guy, it worked out for Sharon. Ozzie loved it! We saw him in the audience in fits of laughter.

I was ready for some talent instead of some comic relief, though and we got it in the form of William Close. He creates musical instruments for a living, and brought his earth harp that has 3000 feet of string. It’s huge. He also brought his pregnant fiancé with him but he didn’t play her. The judges gave William a richly deserved standing ovation. William obviously got three yes votes.

Elements Dance Cru, an all-girls clog dancing group were good but hardly Vegas, darling. Even Howard, who admitted he usually fast forwards dance acts on TV, loved them. All the judges did, except Howie, who picked out some not so good dancers among them. But he, along with the other two judges, still votes yes.

All Wheel Sports, Elizabeth and Chris LaBar all progressed to the next stage without too much trouble.

But worthy of special mention are seven year old Alexa and her dad, Jorge Narvaez; he plays the guitar and sings, she sings. They were fantastic. Just adorable, and so talented. Three yeses.

So endeth the first day of this year’s ‘America’s Got Talent’ auditions.

The next day started for us TV viewers with Ben Black’s dangerous cross bow act.  The judges dug the danger and when Sharon asked if he could step it up if he came back, Howard said that he kills the assistant next time. That made me laugh a lot and is not beyond the realms of possibility.  Three yeses.

The Light Wire Theatre gave us dinosaurs in the dark which was a whole lot more impressive than it sounds. They too went through to the next stage without any trouble.

Some dangerous snakes and scorpions and a talking dog and another dance troupe made it through to the next stage before we got to a bizarre double act which involved piercing one’s cheek to a hypnotic drum beat. It was all a bit sickening and I was with Howie, who was the first to give the act an X, but he was quickly followed by the other two judges. Howard said that they remind him why he doesn’t like people! The best part of this segment was Nick back stage with their young child in a stroller, telling him to get a nice accounting job when he grows up!

Some other acts definitely not going through were boys playing kazoos, Stormin’ Norman decorating a pumpkin and Reggie’s awful song and dance act which was hardly improved by Nick Cannon getting up on stage to rap with him.

Loyalty Dance Crew got a standing ovation and three yeses.

Simply Sergio somehow took a step nearer to his hopes of winning the $1 million prize. The 47-year-old waiter came on stage to sing and dance and did both badly. He improved a bit on ‘God Bless America,’ but I don’t know how or why he made it through.

Maurice and Shanice are father and daughter street performers. Now this is how singing is really done! They got a sanding O from judges and audience alike and I was crying along with Shanice as it looks like her dream has a chance to be fulfilled. Howard was moved too and he said they were fantastic. Howie even went so far as to call Shanice ‘an angel.’ The judges really liked this act! Howie said she gave them the first real moment of season 7.

With Howie assuring St. Louis this is the first time they have been there, but it is not the last time, we head to San Francisco for part two of the ‘America’s Got Talent’ premiere on Tuesday night. Oh how I’ve missed this show; I’m so glad its back!

It’s been nine weeks since ‘The Bachelor’ finale where we saw Courtney Robertson successfully woo that guy with the bad haircut. Last night we got to settle down and watch Emily Manard embark once again upon her journey (hopefully) toward love. It’s a brave lady who looks for a husband twice on TV and our Emily, darling of the ‘Bachelor’ a ‘Bachelorette’ franchise has done it.

Spoiler lovers will know that Emily has whittled her way down to just three guys, so if you want to know who not to bother getting too attached to, read it here. But if you want a pure, unadulterated wallow in ‘The Bachelorette’ premiere hang on to your seat and here we go!

Cynics like me who love kids and who are skeptical of reality TV as a reliable hunting ground for a future husband and daddy to your young daughter may find this ‘Bachelorette’ season a rough ride. Couple that with the fact that Emily Maynard seems a pretty decent person and expect to shed a few tears and expect me to get mad at some total waste of space guys that are bound to feature this season.

“My ultimate goal in all of this is to meet somebody that I could marry and have children with and that could be that father figure in Ricki’s life,” said Emily.

Newly single host Chris Harrison introduced us to 25 guys hopeful of winning Emily Maynard’s love.

Kalon (25) from Houston: A “luxury brand consultant” with serious money and a cute lisp, especially when teamed with those huge glasses. He aims to be “kind of responsible, down to earth.”

Ryan (31) from Georgia: A former pro-football player now working as a trainer for athletes and kids. He says he thinks Emily is special, and we know she likes sporty types. Oh and he has a cute dog.

Tony (30 or 31) from Oregon: A plywood seller with a 5-year-old son, Taylor. He could be a playmate for Ricki! Oh and Tony is fit! Oh so fit!

Lerone (29) from California: Finally, finally, finally, a black guy finds himself center stage on ‘The Bachelorette.’ He’s a realtor keen to have a family. I loved him up to the point I was told he finds Emily’s status as a single mom “one of the most attractive things about her.” Then I thought that was a bit creepy.

David (33) from New York: He is a singer and dancer who longs to be famous: probably why he’s on this show, rather than to find love with Emily. At this point I so want him to be a douche bag, but we will see. He started well on that quest by apparently trying to sound smart, only to spill out this senence:

“We have all of these disparate facets that ultimately converge.”

Charlie (32) from Tennessee survived a balcony collapse and worked his way back from a severe traumatic brain injury. I was loving this guy, even getting emotional. And then he said: “I may have had a head injury – but there’s nothing wrong with my heart.”

Jef (27) from Utah has a company which provides safe drinking water for those in need so I want to like him. But I found his Peter Pan complex and his primping and preening offputting.

Arie (30) from Arizona is a race car driver. Of course there had to be one. I like Arie, though, and I like his hair. SPOILER: He does quite well this season.

Those seemed the most memorable guys from their intros but others included Doug the “charity director/realtor” is another single Dad with an 11-year-old son, Jackson, the fitness model with the hot pink tie and his awful opening line:

“Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but the number of moments that take our breath away. This is one of those moments.”

Joe was enthusiastic and spilled some terrible pickup lines. Aaron made me laugh being so corny as to say,

“I’m a high school biology teacher, but I’m here to have chemistry with you.”

I can see the teenagers rolling their eyes from here!

Jef rolled up on a skateboard that he is way too old for if you ask my opinion. But Emily really went for it. Sigh. She’s been spending too much time with Ricki if she thinks that’s entertaining.

She seemed to like Stevie the “party MC” busting his moves but her “I like to dance too” may just have been polite. Tony seemed to do better with his glass slipper as did Randy. But when Nate rocked up it was once again clear that masculine guys are who Emily goes for.

“He’s so cute!” she dreamily whispered.

Yes. He is.

John seemed to have an identity crisis, informing Emily that everyone calls him Wolf. Well, we won’t be doing that. Even for the couple of weeks we possibly have to write about him.

Travis spoiled his first impression for me as a sweet guy with his analogy of “this egg represents you and Ricki.” That’s just weird. OK we all came from eggs; it’s not something we need to dwell on.

Michael gave Emily a guitar pick to remember him by. Alejandro from Colombia/San Francisco showed off his Spanish to say how ‘hermosa’ Emily looked. Ryan played it simple and sweet, telling Emily she was beautiful, which just made Kalon’s entry by helicopter seem all the more effected.

Wolf John won some of my respect back at this point by declaring,

“Whoever this is, we’re all gonna hate him.”

“Golly, I’m nervous,” Emily giggled.

Yes, I would be too, faced with these 25 guys as my choices for life partner. Getting te chance to spend some time chatting with her, they made their attempts to impress.

Brent showed her the photos of his six kids (run for the hills, Emily). Charlie pretended to bite off Emily’s finger (where do they find these nuts!). But my personal favorite intro time (if not really the guy himself) was Chris who brought in two bobbleheaded dolls, carved to look like Emily and him. Sadly we couldn’t be allowed to watch more of that and we had to endure Emily telling us how impressed she was with Jef who made “a great first impression” right after we (but not she) heard him say,

“Her fiancé, Ricky, died in a plane crash, and so I think she deserves the best.”

It’s sad and all, but not quite how it works.

Doug brought in a letter from his 11-year-old son telling Emily why she should choose his dad.

“I think you should know that my dad is one of the greatest dads ever, because he always tucks me in at night… and he is always giving me hugs.”

I love that boy (Austin). I don’t care what the bribe was to get him to write that letter, I still love him. Can Emily wait a few years for him instead?

Stevie and Kalon clashed almost immediately, as Stevie felt his rival was hogging Emily’s attention. All this gave Arie time to tell Emily about what he does for a living and upon finding out he’s a race car driver her eyes widened almost imperceptibly, but her composure didn’t crack. Arie had to know, though, “Like, are you ok with that?” It took Emily a noticeable amount of time to be able to reply, “Yeah, I am.”

But (thankfully, I think) a letter from your son trumps arriving in a helicopter or any other high jinx the hopefuls cooked up. Doug got the First Impression rose. I admit it: I’d have given it to Doug too.

Chris, Ryan, Kalon, Arie, Charlie, Jef, Nate, Sean, Joe, Kyle, Aaron, Alejandro, John, Alessandro, Michael, Stevie, Tony, and Travis all got roses.

Of those going home, Brent was a bit of a surprise for me, but I lost sympathy when he responded to his exit with “The kids will be sad.”) Jackson perhaps regretted the pink tie. Randy and David were never likely to get far anyway and neither was Lerone.

So, so far, I’m loving Emily Maynard’s ‘Bachelorette’ choices but am rather disturbed that I would have pretty much made the same choices. Is she about to drag me along on an emotional roller coaster ride? Oh I do hope so. Bring it on!