Colton Cumbie may be the nastiest villain ever to play the game of Survivor. OK, I take that back: he IS the nastiest…
Last night he surpassed anything Russell Hantz ever managed in terms of plumbing the depths of wrongness. Colton made tricking players into giving him immunity idols look like grade school spite. Colton bullied an entire tribe into giving up immunity and voluntarily going to tribal council just to vote out somebody he didn’t like. Oh and he was elitest, classist and downright horrible. He through in a little racism just to round things off.
Never before in 24 seasons of Survivor has an entire tribe given up their immunity. How on earth did he do that!
But that’s not to say that Colton is the smartest villain. The men’s Manono tribe has now lost their numbers advantage over the women’s Salani tribe and given up a strong player who could have helped them win future challenges.
Even Jeff Probst hinted that this might be “the single dumbest move ever in this game.”
The tribal council started with Manono spinning the fiction that little person Leif was their target and that his “betrayal” of telling Bill that he was first in line to be voted off was apparently soooo bad that the tribe just had to hand immunity to the women so they could vote him out.
When Jeff asked Colton why he disliked Bill so much, Colton said Bill was obnoxious and loud, and “he’s a struggling standup comedian. Like, get a real job.”
Bill, who’s black, said he didn’t think Colton’s dislike was a racial thing: “I’m just talking about the difference in our upbringings. I’ve been on my own since I was 17 years old. Me being poor, that’s my life,” Bill said.
As a comedian, “you don’t make much money; you sleep on people’s couches and you go from gig to gig.”
Colton, on the other hand, is from an Alabama town of 3,000 people and went to an all-white private school, “but I do have African-American people in my life,” he said.
Jeff of course asked who.
“My housekeeper,” laughed Colton. “She’s like a member of our family.”
“A paid member,” retorted Jeff. He was obviously as unimpressed as me.
“The problem I have with Bill is that he’s ‘poor, pitiful me, I’m poor,’” said Colton. “Like, I don’t associate with people like that in the real world and I sure as hell am not going to associate with people like that out here.”
Relax, Colton; last time I looked, poverty was not a communicable disease!
You might have thought a gay man, susceptible to other people’s prejudices, might have some sympathy for underdogs, which is what Jeff implied. But Colton said the people he associates with back home are open-minded and only the trailer trash have a problem, “the ones riding round in their jacked-up trucks with their rebel flags hanging in the back.”
Oh good heavens…Jeff was giving you a lifeline here. Take it….
But no, Colton had to keep on about how stand-up comedian was not a legitimate job.
Then Tarzan got into the act, at first defending Colton from being painted as “a rich kid who never had to lift a finger,” then launching into a bizarre rant about race.
“I think it’s time to quit talking about (bleep) damn races. I’m fed up with people talking about races. I’m tired of it. “I want people to base what they think about somebody on how they behave and what their merits are … This country is going in that direction. We have a black president,” Tarzan told Jeff.
Ever the master of the understatement, Jeff said, “This tribal council will go down as one of the craziest in the history of this game.”
When the votes were read, unfortunately spoiled little rich kid Colton got his way and Bill was voted off.
Am I the only one disgusted by Colton’s prejudices? His tribe now seems to be wrapped around his little finger.
I was grateful for the promo for next week’s show, in which Jeff hints that there’s a twist coming that knocks Colton off his throne. Can we also knock that smug smile off his face, please?