This season’s ‘Survivor’ has been somewhat lacking in surprises and real drama if you discount Colton, who was carted off weeks ago. So there can surely be no one who was surprised that Kim won ‘Survivor: One World,’ can there?
So, last night’s finale was either a huge anticlimax or a fitting and proper end to the season, depending on how you want to look at it. Personally, I think for anyone but Kim to win it would have just been wrong. But here’s how she did it.
First, she excelled at all levels of the ‘Survivor’ game (because it’s only a game, folks): the physical, social and strategic. She fooled Alicia, she fooled Christina. Basically, she fooled everyone. Plus, of course she won four immunity idols. The woman was untouchable! Who else was going to steal her crown?
In every ‘Survivor’ finale we have come to expect an epic challenge and last night’s did not disappoint. The contestants had to untie ropes to open a gate, race across a giant balance beam maze, traverse a rope net while collecting five bags of puzzle pieces, and then use the pieces to solve puzzle, which would give them clues to three numbers. Then they had to use those three numbers to solve the combination lock.
The task being in several stages allowed people to catch up with Christina, who was first through the gates. Alicia and Chelsea were the first ones through the maze and onto the rope net, and it was there that Alicia was nice enough to tie other people’s bags for them. Relax; she hasn’t had an epiphany, she just got confused.
The real excitement of the task came as Kim and Alicia both struggled with entering their numbers and had to run back to check them. Chelsea almost had a chance to steal a march on them but she got the wrong numbers too. Eventually, though, Kim (who else could it be?) won the challenge.
So that left Kim with an immunity idol she didn’t need. Would she give it to Chelsea, who already knew she had the idol? If she didn’t give it to her and voted Chelsea off, would Chelsea go against her ultimately? So Kim made the smart move and voted for Alicia at Tribal Council. That proved to be the decider that sent Alicia out of the competition.
And I thought I was dreaming as Alicia was actually nice:
“The game is done. I’m out. I am definitely not a sore loser. I’m proud of Kim. She fooled me completely.”
Ah but then I woke up and Alicia was still talking, warning Christina,
“ I brought you there. All those girls wanted you out from day one, so good job, Christina. Bask in it, because you suck right now.”
Welcome back, Alicia, just as you were about to leave.
As if we needed proof that this season has been a little lacking in action and drama, host Jeff Probst confirmed it for us. The Fallen Comrades tribute returned. It’s been missing for the past few seasons, as Probst explained, because they simply had too much other great stuff to show instead. Not a problem this year! The best bit of the Fallen Comrades tribute was Alicia saying how she fell in love with herself out there. Love it! I could have done without the shots of Tarzan in his too tight undies, though.
One thing also common to all ‘Survivor’ finales is the great challenge. All ‘Survivor’ finales except this one, I guess. This season’s final challenge was a race to move 10 small bowls that must then be stacked on top of each other through a channel resting on a spring. First one to get all 10 through and stacked wins. I have to admit, I was disappointed. Technically, it was an impressive challenge to devise. It’s just that watching people move small bowls around wasn’t exactly exciting TV viewing. Kim won the challenge, by the way. I know you weren’t really wondering, but for completeness sake…
So it was on to the Tribal Councel and everyone knew that Christina was about to leave us. Even Christina knew it. Jeff Probst rebuked her for not fighting more but she had far too much to make up, having not fought for anything all season.
After the feast, we headed to the final Tribal Council. Chelsea said she had a hard time voting out Jonas and then shutting down any emotional connections. Sabrina adopted an unusual strategy of telling the jury, “I chose not to step up” in both challenges and voting people out. Makes one wonder why she came in the first place, doesn’t it?
Then came the Jury questions, some of which were pretty loaded and some of which weren’t questions at all. Alicia talked about herself and how incredible she was!
“Kim, you and I play this game very similar. I was a kingpin, I had my pawns, Christina and Tarzan. Homegirl, you know if I was sitting next to you, you’d be s—ting bricks right now. Because without you getting me out, I would have had more chances of wining that money than any of yous.” Honestly, she said that.
Kat disappointed me at the final Tribal Council. Having repeatedly jumped in the water on a challenge when she didn’t have to, farted on people for laughs, people to accompany her on a reward based on how much fun they would be to get drunk with, laughed about how hilarious it would be to blindside someone only to be blindsided herself, and having appeared to be an immature and uncaring party girl the entire season, surely she would bring some fun to the proceedings. But no, she didn’t.
She started by bleating on about her open heart surgeries but then she actually made sense, suggesting that they vote for the person who actually played the best game. Well, said!
So Kim scored seven out of nine votes, with only Tarzan and Leif not voting for the best player in the game. They went for Sabrina, although it is unclear whether they were voting for her horrible performance in challenges, complete lack of strategy, or refusal to do any work around camp.
But with everyone else doing the right thing, Kim walked away one million dollars richer.
I think Jeff fell asleep at some point during the show because he didn’t exactly cover himself in glory at the reunion, asking Matt what the hell he was thinking when the men agreed to go to Tribal Council even though they had won immunity. If only he had asked someone still in the game at that point!
Colton almost apologized for his appalling behavior but he couldn’t resist stopping himself and adding, “At the same sense, when I left, everybody said it got boring.” You know, I hate myself right now because I kind of think he had a point.
Even Martha, Colton’s mother tried to apologize for her son. Her reward was to be subjected to probably the most excruciatingly embarrassing TV moment I can remember in the past ten years. Probst mentioned to Martha how Colton told him how he came out of the closet very young and was “accepted immediately. There were no issues with being gay.” Martha stammered for a bit, pulled a weird face but was so speechless that Probst blundered on about the love and support Colton had from his family after coming out as gay.
“Well, he doesn’t have that from all of his family,” Martha admitted.
How do you follow that except with deafening silence? Oh and by apparently divulging that Tarzan’s wife yells out “Tarzan!” during sex. Yeah. That took my mind of Colton…
Not surprisingly, as nothing much else apart from Colton’s exit has been surprising about this season – Kim won the Sprint fan favorite vote for another $100,000.
Troyzan still appeared deluded, claiming that people are telling him that “You played the game the best I’ve ever seen.” The best they’ve ever seen?!? That just proves they have never watched the show before.
So that was it. The world is still spinning on its axis and Kim has won ‘Survivor: One World.’