If you don’t want to find out any of the exciting things that Snooki, The Situation, Deena, Pauly D and their fellow guidos and guidettes, then stop reading now.
Still here? OK let’s get on with the fun, then. Let’s tell you about what will happen to each Jersey Shore cast mate:
Sammi and Ronnie we may as well deal with together as they are quickly morphing in to one person. Well, in this Jersey Shore 5 premiere will you be pleased of disappointed to read that we get zero drama from them? There’s a minor moment of awkward silence when everyone chooses where to room and with whom. Sammi’s pleas from last season seem to have been forgotten as yet again they room with The Situation.
JWoww, we find out, has the horn for Roger. At one point she and Snooki strike smushable poses on their respective beds and discuss how much they want to smush their men. Let’s just say that she doesn’t have to wait too long.
Pauly D does exactly what you expect him to do. He over-tans, burns his face, and yells a whole lot. But what we didn’t expect was his surprise smush partner, who is “lookin’ good” the first night back.
Vinny gets homesick. It’s kind of cute watching Ronnie and Pauly practice Psych 101 with a depressed Vinny. Any guesses for what their immediate suggestion might be?
The Situation is in the dog house with most of his cast mates after last season, so he calls in The Unit, who shows up for a sleepover the first night, with one mission only: to make Snooki mad.
Snooki just has to take one look at the Unit and then she flips. She makes fun of his name (“Who do you think you are, Uuuuuuunit?”) and his hairstyle (“Why would you come here with that curly hair?”), and when he doesn’t stop threatening her with “the truth” about her alleged pre-Season 4 hookup with Mike, she has to be calmed down by her friend, The Situation. Wait, what? Watch and see for yourself.
Deena, the newest housemate, doesn’t make much of an impact in the premiere, we saw enough of her in the Season 5 sneak peek to know that she still hasn’t learned her lesson when it comes to wearing underwear. But she’s a Jersey Girl so what do you expect?
Tune in to MTV on Thursday, January 5th at 10pm ET/PT to see it all go down on the Jersey Shore 5 premiere.