This season has been a strange one for Jersey Shore fans. Fewer fights, less drama. Even the Situation and Snooki thing turned into a bit of damp squib, didn’t it? So, of course, last night’s episode was not the best.
But still, The Situation talked smack on Deena’s sister, Vinny had a threesome with two lesbians and everyone left on friendly terms, promising to return again next summer. Which it now looks like they won’t do.
Jersey Shore is over. Snooki is pregnant and engaged to Jionni, so their wedding and the baby’s birth will probably get their own reality TV shows. And Snooki is already starring in her own spin-off with J-Woww. Pauly D has his own vanity spin-off, which airs later this month.
Vinny seems content with his role in the show, and Deena seems desperate to become a more prominent character, and the formerly-contentious Ronnie and Sammi spent the last two seasons proving to their insurance company that they are no longer a danger to themselves or others. So we might get a scaled down Jersey Shore at some stage in the future.
But to all intents and purposes, last night’s episode was the end of Jersey Shore.
The episode began with Pauly and Vinny drinking mai tais by the pool. Everyone but The Situation was happy. He was depressed, especially when his shoes got wet in a storm that rolled in.
“Every shoe is brand new. They’re all soaked,” he said, lovingly caressing his shoes. “They were all so beautiful.”
I’m sure he was crying.
Vinny was delusional.
“This is the moment where heroes are made. They write history books about this s___. This story’s gonna be told for generations to come. On this day… On this day, Vinny banged two lesbian chicks!!!”
Yes he really said that. He had achieved “the Holy Grail of hooking up.”
So what happened?
At Jenks, Vinny ran into a couple of lesbians; one girl introduced herself and claimed her friend was her “ex-girlfriend.” Initially, they played wingman for Vinny but it was obvious he had some other ideas on his mind. They cheerfully agreed to a threesome with him, which made Vinny’s night.
Vinny’s usual allies were dismissive.
“One of them looks like Matthew McConaughey,” said Ronnie, which sounded kind of funny coming from a guy who looks like like Ronnie does.
Pauly D was just incredulous:
“It’s gonna take a lot of work, and he’s not gonna get any sleep.”
But Vinny persevered. He claimed the smush room as his own, and made a night of it with the two women. Afterwards, one of them giggled that she had lost her underwear.
“I’ll keep it,” said Vinny. “I’ll dip it in amber and will carry it with me all the days of my life. When my time is nearly finished, I will bury it in a deep mountain pass. Someday, many eons from now, when all our world’s hopes and dreams have faded to dust, the scientists of some unimagined future civilization will discover it, and they will know that gods once walked this earth.”
Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear
What else is there to say about the Jersey Shore season 5 finale? The Situation spent the episode tormenting Deena with some secret about her sister.
The gang had a final Sunday dinner together, where Sammi said that this summer was the best summer she ever had. Awwww! The girls started a water balloon fight against the boys from the upper porch, but it quickly backfired when Ronnie locked the door, trapping them.
Then came “the biggest storm I’ve ever seen in Jersey Shore history,” according to Pauly D. Deena was scared and for some reason JWoww was afraid for her boobs.
What did you think of the Jersey Shore season 5 finale? Are you going to miss this show?
But the guidos and guidettes aren’t quite gone yet. Don’t forget to tune in for the Jersey Shore Season 5 reunion on Thursday, March 22 at 10 pm ET/PT on MTV.