“Teresa thinks that everybody is great friends and that they all love her, but the second that we lose, Clay and Arsenio will start the gang-bang on her and she’ll get to see what I went through the other night.”
I have no idea how that humdinger of a statement like that made it past the standards and practices department and onto network television.
So is Teresa’s husband cool with this? Is it really what Clay and Arsenio did to Aubrey “the other night?” That part never made the show at all, so we shall just have to leave that image there. Sorry about that.
On to what we know really happened in The Celebrity Apprentice last night: the night we lost Lou Ferrigno.
I remember that part, in between all the weird statements and double meanings which seemed to litter the show last night. I know I was celebrating my Dad’s birthday yesterday but I didn’t have a drink. Honest. I didn’t imagine it and I’m not making this up!
“Come over here, honey and get behind me” said Teresa Giudice to Clay Aiken to, only to have Clay respond with “Here, take it in your hand.” As if that image were not frightening enough, then we had Aubrey cooing “Daddy!” at Paul and Paul immediately bringing up the topic of spanking.
Bizarre doesn’t even begin to cover it. But here are some more of last night’s Celebrity Apprentice best bits:
Things were always going to be messy when Lisa met up with Arsenio after he brutalized Aubrey in the Boardroom. Lisa on one side of the room telling Teresa that the men on her team were “little bitches” while Arsenio was on the other side of the room telling Paul that Aubrey was a “bitch” and a “whore.”
I don’t wish to defend Arsenio here, but surely he had a point when he said that “Lisa Lampanelli is the last human being on the planet that can tell me what language I should use when I’m angry. That’s the pot calling the kettle black.” It was pretty tame compared to a Lisa blowout. Still, he probably ought to think of his nice guy image and tone it down before America gets upset with him.
When Lou and Dayana showed up, Lisa started yelling at them too! After informing them that they had five brain cells between them, she told them how she really felt about one of them not being fired instead of Dee Snider. “That was f—ed up, Lou. I don’t give a s___ how bad you feel. That was f___ed up, And you were not an effective leader, and you had no ideas so you’re both f___ing useless.”
All this before we even got down to the task!
This week the teams had to create a 60 second advertisement for Entertainment.com. All except Penn, that is. He was off on another gig. Poor Lou got it so wrong when he said, “You don’t leave, run off to do a job, and come back the next morning.” Of course you do! This is Celebrity Apprentice and no one ever gets fired for missing a task.
Team Unanimous decided to shoot what sounded like a porno starring Aubrey O’Day. It was to be Aubrey and an actor talking suggestively with each other while really referring to the joy and ecstasy of Entertainment.com. They dressed up Paul to play the conservative dad. Even his facial hair had to be dyed, apparently. I didn’t get that part.
Unanimous’ ad was very near the bone, but way more interesting than watching team Forte literally act out the lyrics to “Sitting in a Tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G.”
Haven’t I been warning you for weeks that you wouldn’t like The Hulk when he’s angry? Why didn’t Lisa listen to me? Maybe because she doesn’t like Lou, period? Last night in the Boardroom, Lou had finally had enough.
“Lisa is lucky to not be a man tonight because I would throw her right through that wall,” he told Trump. “You called me a f—ing loser. Take it back. You’re very negative. Nobody calls Lou Ferrigno a loser.”
Now, I have a huge soft spot for Lou, but I’m sorry; my favorite part of the whole thing was Trump stammering, “Lisa, I’ll protect you…I think.” Well, he didn’t really protect her. But Lou when on to talk a lot of bullcrap before the guys were told they lost the task.
Lisa left the boardroom still yelling. She even went on to accuse Lou of using his hearing loss as an excuse when it suited him.
Lou Ferrigno was eventually fired for being “disloyal.” He was ust being truthful answering Trump about which team made the best ad. Lou said Unanimous did, and got fired for it. Now how is that fair?
Lou was upset, like someone took away his ball in the playground.
“Take it back. I don’t want to be fired,” he said.
‘Take it back’? How old are we again?
Anyway, according to Trump there was nothing he could do about it. Oh, unless you’re La Toya Jackson of course. Trump didn’t say that last part. But I remember last season, even if he doesn’t. She got fired then was allowed back, basically because she asked to be allowed back. I can’t see Lou Ferrigno doing that, somehow. Can you?